Perspective

I am revamping my "image." "What the hell is she talking about? I was looking for advice and now I'm reading this obnoxious mess." Yes, I'm aware. Here's the deal: I had a lot of content on this site, as I used it as some sort of public venting system, rapidly discovering that people just don't care about my woes. I mean, I understand it; who am I, why am I complaining about stupid crap that happens to everyone of us, and why the insatiable need to be "correct?" I'm about to use a term that can be slightly, well, nauseating: "ego." "Oh, for God's sake, the ego B.S." Yeah, the "ego bullshit." Now, I'm not going to say I got rid of mine, or that I'm a master of my ego, or any of that, no. I'm going to say that yes, it's very much alive in me, and in knowing that, I need to keep a constant eye on it, so I don't say and/or do something insanely stupid. Yet, here I am, doing something insanely stupid. I have a dream (oh, c'mon, another overused phrase) that someday I can do what I want to do, and make money at it. But for now, I have to make money doing other things, cuz I gots bills to pay, dawg. ANYHOW, perspective, yes, this terrifying term that suggests a single perspective floating around in a sea of billions of others. Some perspectives are leeching off others because it fits their fucked-up ideas. Basically, we all need a fall guy, someone to quote as though the ideas aren't terrible, no matter who they belong to. My mama always says, "Perspectives are like assholes, everyone's got one," unless, of course, something horrible happened, and well, things don't work as they should, yet that's another topic for a different field altogether. It's true, we all have one, and this is mine...well, my perspective, laced with the perspectives of others, and most especially, my Mama. Trust me, I'm not that brilliant. I hear a phrase, I define it, even if it takes me years, and I develop my perspective. We all have one based on what we choose to spend our attention on; unfortunately, the first perspective we develop is given to us by our parents/guardians/et cetera. The issue is, most of us do not want to develop our perspective more healthfully; no, we quote brilliant people and hope no one notices how volatile we can be. It's a means to "look awesome whilst not being awesome," I believe T.S. Eliot is responsible for that quote, or maybe that guy they call "Bojangles," who lives on the street and makes genuine conversation with squirrels and pigeons. Admittedly, as I do not live on the street (props to the most supportive person in my life), I do, however, talk to squirrels, deer, bugs, and so forth. I haven't been able to share words with a bear or lion, for instance, as they will be more than happy to tear my face off. Looking awesome while being the absolute opposite of awesome, literally was me, not even that long ago, and that perspective still comes creeping in, "How do I make myself look awesome," and nothing about it is awesome. Essentially, I've become comfortable with being not awesome and just average with an undertone of brilliance. "How is that not saying you're awesome?" Because I don't feel as though I am a being that should be revered with awe. I do not believe I am in any way a wonder of the universe; I'm just me, who changes a little every day. I'll be dead once I truly become awesome, and no one will ever know it. In short, this is life from my perspective, ripe with my Mama's perspective because she's helped me change mine. Perhaps her wisdom, and my own speculation, can help you tap into a different view of life.

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